PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Walking And Talking

 

When we first moved into our house, my wife and I got a pair of walkie-talkies, which we used to communicate from various parts of the manor we had just purchased instead of calling each other on our little flip-phones, or simply hollering down the stairway or out the window as some of our neighbors enjoy doing.

The grounds that we (and the bank) came to own contained a main house with front and rear entrances, a fence, a garden, and a drive leading to a detached garage. There were cooking and dining facilities, a foyer in which (in theory) we might one day welcome in foreign dignitaries, toilet facilities for the guests and separate sleeping quarters for the children, all of which were set a rolling landscape of almost 1/16th of an acre. You can understand the need for the walkie-talkies!

Unfortunately, not everyone in the world is as understanding as you are. Some people think walkie-talkies are crutches, tools of laziness, used by people who don’t have the emotional strength to deliver a message face-to-face, such as “can you bring up the laundry?”

It turns out I’m one of those people, and as a result I have a hugely conflicted self-image! That I was promoting the use of walkie-talkies at a time when I really should have been schlepping up and down stairs and making eye contact with my wife shows just how emotionally immature I was.

Why am I telling you this? Because you’re probably wondering about all those unseemly pictures of me in gossip magazines back then, taken during my clumsy attempts to break through paparazzi lines outside the nightclubs I used to frequent when I was a bad walkie-talkie junkie.

Well those days are long gone! Now, when I want to communicate with my wife, I send text messages.

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Sunday, 26 September 2021

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