PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

My Musings

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Captain Cornhole

I know that when you think of Cornhole you think of me, and trust me, I’m enormously proud of that. But please don’t forget that there are many other people playing Cornhole out there, some of whom are stars in their own right. I don’t want to burst your bubble, but the fact is I’m not actually ranked number one in the world in Cornhole.

Not even number two.

Would it surprise you to learn that I’m number 17? I’m sure it would surprise the actual number 17-ranked Cornhole star (currently not me).

Can I be honest? Truth is, this year I wasn’t invited to the Johnsonville Cornhole Championships. I’m not even a member of the American Cornhole League. And here you assumed I was named All-Cornhole in 2016 and 2017.

Turns out I’m just a regular joe with no endorsements who nevertheless can win his street’s Cornhole championship with almost no training.

Do you have a similarly heartwarming story?

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Daily Haiku

 

Cats oft’ void their guts.

They cough out fur balls. They puke.  

We tread carefully.  

 

College Tuition

We dig ourselves a deep hole

Need a second job.

 

Now that I’m sixty

People think I’m a wise man

Probably, I’m not

 

I’m in my Fifties

But tomorrow I’m Sixty

Will need a sports car

 

My PCP Says

“Keep doin’ what yer doin’”

Prob’ly I should not

 

It’s St. Patrick’s Day

We eat beef that has been corned

Whatever that means

 

Robots and A.I.

I will make use of these soon

To do my taxes

 

Strange Oscar night end

Pacino failed to mention

Best pic nominees

 

Who’s this Katie Britt?

Scary. Wierd. We could have used

A Trigger Warning

 

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