PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

My Musings

This text is currently hidden by a css change. Alow's me to go directly to the category description because it is editable in the front end,

Oh Canada!


I'm starting to wonder if our neighbor up north decided to throw in the towel. "You guys go ahead without me," says Canada, rooting around in an old metal cooler for an ice-cold Molson's and cracking it open with its teeth. "I've had a nice career, but it's time for me to put up my feet and watch 'Hockey Night in Canada'."

Hockey Night in Canada? It's not even Hockey Week in Canada, thanks to the wicked Coronavirus variant du jour, Omicron. 

This bodes not well for my Canadian family. I sent a friendly, personal letter to the maple leaf country in the spring of 2021 asking if it would be a terrible imposition for it to verify that my children were bona fide citizens, able to travel freely across the frozen tundra and maybe attend one of the lower-priced institutes of higher education that Canada has on offer. Alas, no response. I had done the same in the spring of 2020 and waited more than ten months before Canada sent back a terse note rejecting the applications on technical grounds: "Your children's photos aren't dated."

Darned Canada and its bureaucratic red tape!

I didn't whine but sent applications anew with dated photos, knowing that arguing with such a large country would be a waste of time. I've tried to argue with countries in the past, and I always lose. Large nations have lots of lawyers who advise them to stall, and an inbox that no one monitors. Plus, Canada is too busy trying to figure out how to make the best use of newly melting artic ice to respond to my queries. The scheme Canada hatched to fill 2-ounce plastic containers and sell each as "a former chunk of iceberg" that is "refreezable" was thwarted when the original bottlecaps it ordered leaked, undermining the marketing message that "tubes of melted iceberg make perfect stocking stuffers." Canada tried to get replacements before the start of the holiday shopping season but were stymied by supply-chain issues. Meanwhile, the ice keeps retreating and there is no room to store additional water. Serves you right, Canada!

I expect that our wintry pal next door will eventually come to its senses and will send me a response along the lines of, "We reject your applications on the grounds that your children's photos are out of date." Though technically true, this is only because Canada has been rooting around for more beer in the ice-filled cooler instead of processing my application.

I cling to a small measure of hope, given that as Canada is settling into its Barcalounger and reaching for the remote, the NHL is postponing all games for a week. Just enough time to open a few more applications and make good on my request. 

Continue reading
  709 Hits

The Royal Oui

And where was I during the Royal Wedding, hmm? It’s a question a lot of people have been asking themselves and each other. The scuttlebutt is that the paparazzi were hounding me and my family, so we went incognito and flew under the radar.

Cut to the Fake News Media, which spreads lies claiming that I wasn’t even invited. Ha, what a laugh! I was invited, but it turns out that, by rule, only a certain number of us Canadians are allowed to attend royal weddings in a given year. That’s the kind of international discrimination we Canadians have to endure. I’d like to see the reaction you Americans would have if a cap were imposed on your numbers at royal weddings. You’d probably invade the wedding with Marines.

Anyway, by now you must know that I’m not really into “the spotlight.” Oh, sure, it might look like I am, the way I beam radiantly whenever the fake news media’s cameras are trained on me, but that’s just a front. Under that thin veneer is a shy fellow who’d prefer to sit in the shadows.

Hanging in the shadows for the next couple of days, if you care to visit.

Continue reading
  2064 Hits

 

 

J'Biden Era Haikuage

 

People's Arms. That's right!

200 million shots

In 100 days

 

We are good people

But we still have far to go

Repair. Restore. Heal.

 

There's nothing new here

The Affordable Care Act

We're restoring it 

 

America's Day

Democracy is fragile

The world is watching 

 

Strategy is based

On Science, not politics

Truth, not denial

 

 

Subscribe To The Blog

Produce This Audio Play!

Ever wanted to produce a radio play?  Think you have the mettle?  Read on!

Tag Cloud

Spice Girls Work Syracuse Skating Guns and Ammo Eclipse Climate Change midwinter vacations Ticketmaster cornhole Soviet Union Imaginings Bill Monroe Politics As Usual Europe Plastic Butterfingers COVID Liz Phair the future Quebect Soccer Diseases My grandparents Belgian Ales Earth Bikes Food Joan Jett Ketchup Cats Bunker gathering throngs weather Skiing Email Peacekeeping Mike Doughty Things I've done Grass Skiing 1980s Wind Putin Marketing Gimmicks plan mid-winter vacations Theater Head injuries Accounting Advertising Scotch and Sirloin Car Dealerships Spoon the band Red Sox Reveillon Them Kids Biden afterlife Rabbit Hole Rock Bands BB King Higher Education curling shoes Trump Stories I should write Mom and Dad Communication Channels Bicycles Motorists Christmas Snow Guns Hand Planes Bands I've Seen Beer Hache Verde Eating and Drinking Soul Coughing Pats Canada War and Peace Ukraine My Estate Mass General Hospital NFL Sports Audubon Bar The Old Days Dad advice Godfather Zoom Cars Folk Music Bodysurfing Candy Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Cornhole star People I know Music tambourrine town square Weather When I die Allergies COVID-19 Religion Sugarbush Drumming soapbox rantings technology Football Yeast Brain Surgery Royal Stuff Existential Crisis NPR Golf punk music Bob Dylan Vaccines Ice Dancing Martinis Tom Waits My sisters First World Problems the sea Knots Fiction acerbic high school principal Mustard Barber Shops Texting China coronavirus nukes Roommates I've Had Boston Elvis Presley Canadiana vacation Chowder Vaughn Coyotes Hot Air Balloon Good Reads The Future high winds The future My Parents Big Shoes baseball TV seasons Me Stairs New England Hurricanes Halloween Hawaii Bands I've seen The Past Audio US Senate Bands I haven't seen Art Soup