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- In Times Of Uncertainty, There's Still Beer
- Your Humble Servant
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- Lyin' Fool
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- Coronavirus Novel
- Mr. Blimp
- And On My First Day In Office...
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- Just Peachy
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- When I'm Ninety Four
- Why I Love Fall
- Not Joe Strummer
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- What Goes Around...
- Women's World
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- Why Didn't You Tell Me?
- Dark, Brooding Monday
- While I Slept
- Get Off My Hemisphere
- Aliens
- What Time Is It?
- The Mueller Report: My Prediction
- Before It's Too Late
- The Patrick McVay Fund For Eggs Benedict
- Emergency!
- When I Retire
- Super Bowl Saturday
- I'm Sure You're Wondering
- Much Stranger Than Fiction
- Mr. Christmas
- Liquid Art
- Make Canada Great Again
- Thankfully!
- It's Got A Punky Sorta Feel
- Clammy
- I'm Back
- Brown Ale Society
- Dead Serious
- The Latest Dirt
- Out Of Office
- Mr. Mochi
- He's Back
- Huggy Bear
- Diplomacy Lesson
- Spray Me, Mick
- Brand Strategy
- Christian, Bahk!
- Pardon Me?
- The Royal Oui
- The Multitasking Motorista
- Captain Cornhole
- Van Pat's Cockle
- The Pope of West Roxbury
- It's A Wet Bah
- Curly Man
- Foggy Bottom
- The Pod Dealer
- Who Are You Calling Unstable?
- Unhinged
- Opening Soon
- Post Thanksgiving Trump Tweet Haiku
- Jes' George And Me
- Trumpian Gun-Tweet Haikuage
- Trumpian Football Tweet Haiku
- More Trumpian Haikuage
- Root Cellar
- "Heart Attack" Brand Smoke Alarms
- What Have We Gotten Ourselves Into?
- The Master Chef
- Bump Stock
- President Zounderkite
- Lazy Boys
- Talking Bunts
- Monumental
- Backup Plan
- A Moving Scene
- Spoonerism
- Crowd Control
- Gappy
- Dancin' Fool
- Dead Senators
- The L Word
- Chocolate City
- Talking Mustard
- Card Reading Etiquette
- Bonehead
- Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's 'Hood
- The Dental Nazi
- Flight School
- Who's Your Uncle?
- The Gospel According to San Marco
- I'm Not Actually Related To Ted Nugent
- Wall Art
- We're Not Gonna Pay
- What A Family
- Vladimir Putin Loves My Homebrew!
- Dust In The Wind
- This Old Wall
- Remember, Woman
- Black Joe
- Three-State Solution
- Who Does That?
- Arctic Sea Ice Death Spiral
- Unbelievably Bad
- Crampy
- Daily Lamentation
- Intelligence I Don't Possess
- Registered Mail
- Potato Yarn
- Oober Alice
- Puckish
- Comebacker
- Failure To Tweet
- New School
- Hello, Canada?
- Crusty Night
- Who You Calling A Bubble?
- Behind The Wheel
- Frank In A Car, You're On The Air
- Key Issues
- Little Nipper
- Gooey
- Tim For Register Of Deeds
- Farewell
- Sad, Empty Jar
- Plague Of The Evil Mustachio Men
- Rating The Summer of 2016
- I'll Steak My Reputation On Those Eggs
- Hurricane Pat
- Probably Famous
- Catfight
- Beat The Heat
- Skee-bum
- Underinflated
- Highly Questionable
- Accepting The Award...
- The Truth
- Deaf Ears
- Free, Range Eggs
- Swing And Miss
- Hacktivistas
- For Sale
- When I Die
- But Is It Art?
- Sheer Idiocy
- Observatory Ale
- Fixation
- Squeal Like A...
- The Future Of My Clothing
- 1999
- Let Me Be Perfectly Clear
- Late Apologies
- Freak Out
- Dude, That's Uber Scary
- Longboard Me, Marge
- Jousting For Dollars
- Ballyhooed
- The Best Rock Show Evah!
- That's Worse Than Losing Your Head
- Holy Foods
- Boredom
- Black Beans And Riceboys
- Limping To The Finale
- Madness I Tell You!
- Well Isn't That Conveeeeenient
- Debate This
- Loophole
- Halftime
- Odd Stuff
- The Meathead Inside Me
- Ghost Story
- I Defer
- Pretty Ridiculous Things
- Unhappy Day
- Disposable
- Did You Know?
- Dr. Rock
- Backup
- Heavenly
- Hot Diamond
- It May Look Like Sleep To You, But...
- Gate Jumper
- Homophonia
- A Nice Ride Ruined
- Museum of Styptic Pencils
- Give America A Sandwich
- High Hippies
- The Dumpling Duchess
- Bells And Whistles
- It Takes All Types
- Condo Decorating Ideas
- Best And Final
- Dawn Of The Dead (Cyclists)
- Navigating Modern Technology
- Professional Thieves
- There's An App For That
- Walking And Talking
- New Creative Nonfiction "Audio Art"
- More Crust, Please
- My Goal: More Precise Programming
- Bulky
- Secret Recipe
- Young Punks
- Youth Summer Jobs Now!
- Your Change, Sir
- Dr. Hart To Cardiology - Stat!
- Red Gravy
- Wake Up Call
- What's The Count
- Smackdown Of The Legumes
- Cowboy Pat
- The Bathoom Inside Me
- Ye Little Towne Upstate
- Care For Bowl of Schmacaroni And Cheese?
- Seven Is The New Four. And The New Sixteen.
- Macaquetavists Unite!
- Recluse
- Hot Burning Fire
- The Aleman Cometh
- Daddy's Little Helpers
- Now Performing
- The Thinker
- In The Next Phase Of My Professional Life...
- Gardener's Advice
- Big League Chutzpah
- Floss Your Way To Total Health
- Camera Versus Mirrors: A Smackdown In Reverse
- Taxi Driver 2: The Unauthorized Sequel
- Men’s v. Mens v. Men: A Three-Headed Signage Nightmare
- Easy Global Warming Fix: Plug The Volcanos
- "The Midwinter Vacationer": A Fairy Tale
- The Season Of My Disgruntlement
- Super Bowl Monday
- Sunday Roast
- Conventional Wisdom
- Fixer Upper
- Better Biking
- Chairman Of The Board
- One-Minute Warning
- What A Lovely Couple!
- I Quintuple That!
- "The Non-Confession"
- Bad Kitty! (Litter)
- Dark Brown Wednesday
- Holey Bikepath Batman!
- The Tale Of The Golden Key
- The Best $20 Tim Has Ever Spent
- Schemeball
- Old Records
- I Don't Know Everything: More Evidence
- Boston Considers Banning Hazmat Costumes
- Pat's Disaster Saison
- Don't Sit Here
- Elated Maids, Inc.
- "The Receipt Artist"
- Pat's Amble For Anosmia
- Unbelievable
- Monster Birthday
- Shoe Failure
- Focus On Yodels
- Blinded By The Light
- Hot Time, Camping In The City
- Summer 2014: Pre-Postmortem
- Honk If You Love To Park In Front Of My Driveway
- Unlucky
- To Hide And Hide Not
- Totally Unrelated
- Double Dip
- Rope-A-Dope
- Sad, Neglected Oyster
- Hot And Clammy
- The Invisible Clam
- The Best Song In The World
- Heathers
- Whom Do You Love?
- Coming Soon: New Guide To Plumbing
- Odiferous Conspiracy
- Winnie Like A Donkey
- College Boys
- Hail Mary
- Dig Your Own Clams (And Save A Bundle!)
- Naked Lunch
- Happy Smile Guy
- Mash Up
- Walk-Off!
- Quash That Kick!
- They Say It's Your Birthday
- As I Show In My Book
- Pat's Hard Beet Juice
- Shoot The Puck
- Chew On A Piece
- Boxers or Brieves?
- The Gospel According To Some Unidentified Guy
- Not Tonight Honey, I Have A Hairache
- Ad It Up
- House Tour
- The Spring Of My Discontent
- Monkey Pat's House of Spit-Roast
- New Video Art Drama: Memo To Myselfee
- It's A Machine!
- Please Pass The Riceboys
- Now Batting
- Fifty-Fifty
- Grand Finale
- The Big Sneeze
- Incandescence
- That's Totally Sick!
- Me And Mr. Bowes
- No Chicken Skin Off My Nose
- Passing Thoughts
- Comin' Thro' The Wry
- Bring Back Lady Sybil!
- Going, Going...
- Big Band
- Debonair (A Poem)
- Missed Opportunity
- My AFC Championship Game Prediction
- New One-Act Play: "Stand Yer Ground!"
- Let's All Have Fun and Behave Ourselves
- Comic Relief
- Up Your Sleeve!
- Frothy Weaponry
- I Am The Eggman
- Underpass
- Icy Mess
- Holiday in Antarctica
- U.N. High Commissioner for Pigeon Peas
- There But For A Lack Of Talent Go We
- More News Re: Frank
- It's Frank's World, I Just Live In It
- The Naked Gut
- Good Guy
- Pat's House of Offal
- Fish Story
- Jablinsky!
- New Scheme for Obtaining World Series Tix: Crowdfunding
- Really and Truly, Absolutely, Unequivocally Must! (Or, Maybe, Not)
- Brewster
- A Bargain At $231,002
- Walk This Way
- New Sports Movie: "Panic on Landsdowne!"
- Bonehead
- Heart And Soul
- You And Me Against The World
- I Got a Wicked Hottentot!
- Concert Review of Le Scimmie Artiche (Rough Italian Translation)
- Anniversary Issue (Part 2 of 2)
- Anniversary Issue (Part 1 of 2)
- A Blast of Arctic Hair
- Yes I Can
- Dumpling Chit-Chat
- I'm Not Buying It
- Surprise!
- The Old and the Less Dressed
- Is That a Computer in Your Pocket or...?
- Idea for Blockbuster Movie: "Coasting"
- Bitter Drink
- Big Shoes
- New Reality Show: Deflating Dads
- The Enchanting Wizard of Rhythm
- Patty The Claw
- Late Game
- Entitlement Program
- Kitty Guide
- Killing Time
- Google This
- Mike Hunt
- Ineligible
- Poetic Justice
- Interplanetary Good Time
- Mussel Pat's House of Cockles
- Cement Shoes
- All Inclusive
- Dearly Beloved
- New Musical Act: "The McVay Four"
- Leftover Lunch
- Trampled Under
- Chosen One
- Shabby Chic
- Official Business
- Taco Talk
- Mother's Day Miracle
- Bike Crazy
- Meatball Pat
- Oh Brother
- House Party
- New Kind of Soap Dish: Old Soap Dish
- Truce
- Interactive Art Installation: "Ketchup Smackdown"
- Checked Baggage
- Mustard Talk
- Foiled by Belgians Again
- Synergy
- Pat of All Trades
- Patrick 9:29
- Farewell, Boston Phoenix
- Center for Comparative Ironing
- Big East, R.I.P.
- Underbelly
- Lonely at the Top
- The Three Faces of Pat
- Giant Speakers
- Naughty Diet
- Leak Stopper
- Potboiler: "Deadly Snow"
- Club Night
- No Room
- Harry: Crazy Uncle
- Food Scandal
- Post Eclampsia
- Child Labor
- Idea for Radio Play: The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Mother
- Bike Trax
- Gun Farce
- The Status of My Beer
- Mustard Pat
- New TV Series: "Rick Swat: Tough Guy, Gentleman"
- Noisy Lights
- New Year's Resolution!
- Whistler
- Custard Pie
- Last Minute Gift Idea: Drinking Gloves
- Free Country
- Idea for Restaurant: "Speedy Pat's"
- New Social Media Website: AssFace
- Full Moon
- Cowboy Up
- No Fly Zone
- Life of Pie
- A Hell of a Turkey
- The Jerky Inside Me
- Secret Ballot
- Bad Boy
- Perfect Storm
- Chants Encounter
- Idea for book: "The French Lieutenant's Librarian"
- Take Back Friction, America!
- A Battle Pitting the Halves v. the Have-Knots
- Jesus Is Lord: More Proof
- Welcome to the Neighborhood
- Extended Family
- The Power of Persuasion
- Petit Mass
- Classic Signage
- My own flash sales site!
- Jack White - 2 Tickets Under Face (Rozzy)
- Nostalgia for appliances of yore
- My Musings
- Published Essays
- Plays/Media
- Who I am
