Patty The Claw

The trial of reputed mob boss James "Whitey" Bulger gives me the idea of changing my persona by giving myself a genuine sounding mob name. I’ve no stomach to become an actual mobster who extorts money and kills people; I just want a nickname that sounds mobsteresque.

Within seconds, I discover several websites that will generate mobster names for me. Some offerings:

  • Little P
  • Chicago Patty
  • Patty Cola
  • Slim Patty Rat
  • Patty Nap
  • Patty the Knife
  • Big PM
  • Patty the Breeze
  • Patty the fixer
  • Bald Patty
  • Chicken Fried Alfredo (Huh?)
  • Antonio Siciliano (!!)

Clearly, these websites don’t know me. True, I had the moniker “rat” for a bit my freshman year of college, and have been known to fix this or that troublesome leaky pipe in my house, but I’m neither bald nor breezy, and I drink cola only when I find myself at kid birthday parties with no beer. What about my preference for lobster claws over tails?  In any event, I’m pretty sure I can identify names that better fit my persona. Consider:

  • Patty The Gut
  • Guiness Pat
  • Patty Artichokes
  • Patty Two-Wheels
  • Patty Chew
  • Patty Guzzle
  • Chubby Hummus McVay
  • Mister Nopublish
  • Patty the Sneeze
  • Big Daddy Four-Putts
  • Patty the Limp
  • Rioja Pat
  • Patty The Tankard

I’ll consider these and other possibilities today over an artichoke pizza and a couple glasses of Rioja, after shuffling through a round of bad golf and a tankard of Guinness at the 19th hole.




The Enchanting Wizard of Rhythm
Late Game


No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Already Registered? Login Here
Sunday, 26 September 2021

By accepting you will be accessing a service provided by a third-party external to



J'Biden Era Haikuage


People's Arms. That's right!

200 million shots

In 100 days


We are good people

But we still have far to go

Repair. Restore. Heal.


There's nothing new here

The Affordable Care Act

We're restoring it 


America's Day

Democracy is fragile

The world is watching 


Strategy is based

On Science, not politics

Truth, not denial



Subscribe To The Blog

Produce This Audio Play!

Ever wanted to produce a radio play?  Think you have the mettle?  Read on!