PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Elated Maids, Inc.

 

Sometime in the next few months, I’m planning to launch a new cleaning service in the Boston area to compete with Sunshine Maids and Merry Maids. You think the maids we already have in this area are happy enough, but compared to my maids they’re a bunch of dour whiners. Look, you can’t even get an interview with my maid service unless you display lots of smiley pep in your cover letter. Plus, your resume must indicate that you have a consistent track record of cleaning homes with a mixture of joy and pleasure. If it’s not absolutely obvious to me that you’re thrilled to wear the Ecstatic Maids one-piece jumper, then you'll have to find a job with another service, such as Dejected Maids, Corp.

Here's what the customer can expect if the services of my firm are retained: first, you'll notice that my maids arrive singing cheerfully and invite you to join in! Now watch as they scrub your toilet wearing ear-to-ear grins. They love removing soap scum from your bathtub and baked-on macaroni-and-cheese spillover in your oven.  Dirty floors with all kinds of mashed-in food goo?  A delight to toil on!

Eventually, my maid service will crush all others.  Then it’s onto Euphoric Crime Scene Cleanup, LTD.

Don't Sit Here
"The Receipt Artist"
 

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Saturday, 25 September 2021

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